This topic is hard. It is hard to write about and it will be hard to read about. The “D” word. Divorce. Among many other issues in the world today, this is a big one. To those who are reading this, if you are married and don’t know if you can do it any longer, I urge you to wait. If you grew up in a broken home, you aren’t alone. As a woman now married with children of my own, I feel I can give even more insight as to why this choice should be put out of your mind. While it may be hard, the reward is much greater.
Let me begin with a summary of my own experience with divorce. I was 4 when my parents split. If you are thinking I was spared the memory because I was so young, I’m sorry but that’s not how it works. I am the youngest of three girls so I’m blessed to have not gone through this alone. My childhood was a whirlwind of emotions and pain; I know my sisters felt it too. “Which house is our home?”, “Will we ever be a family again?”, “Do I like mom more or dad more?”, “Why can I do one thing here but it is not allowed there?”, “I don’t want this family anymore.” No matter what age I was, these thoughts never went away.
I could give a never ending list of the pain, struggle, and confusion that took place and still does take place in my life because of my parents’ divorce. I won’t, simply because it is everything you may have heard before. Even so, it is real, it is scary, and it can be prevented.
Divorce does not cause temporary pain. It infects the years and generations following it. I still struggle with who I am. I carry feelings of abandonment, confusion, anger, and heartache. I had and still have to change my character based on which parent I am around. No wonder I don’t know who I am. My kids will have to experience the tension between families because of their grandparents’ split. I aim to soften that blow when it becomes so much more real for them, because I’m sure that day will come.
I used to get so angry, wondering how my parents could just give up on us. Then, I got married. It all became very clear. Marriage is hard. I’ve thought a few times about wanting my husband to just leave. Marriage brings so many new feelings into a relationship that may have never been felt before. I always told myself that divorce would never be an option for me because of my experience with it. In reality though, it crosses my mind way more than I would like to admit. The only thing that gets me through is prayer and reflection. I’m always so willing to point a finger at my husband, and rarely willing to look inside my own heart. Women, let’s start doing that today!
A marriage can be turned around for the better. Marriage can last a lifetime. Be still and trust the Lord; seek the Lord and His help. Divorce can’t make life better. While marriage can give fulfillment and joy, divorce can only bring pain. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that it is better to divorce than live unhappily. You WILL STILL BE UNHAPPY.
No one, and I mean no one, has an easy marriage. Get help, talk to a counselor. Pray. Pray. Pray. You will eventually have the pleasure of truly loving your spouse even when it is hard, because isn’t that what you would want from them?