When you realize that your plans may not be the Lord’s plans…
My husband and I have had a whirlwind of a marriage. We barely knew each other and jumped right into having little babes. We are coming up on 3 years of marriage and not a single second of it was spent without a little one in the mix. In those 3 years, we have had 2 beautiful kids and just found out we are expecting another. Our timing hasn’t been impeccable, but we are doing everything we can to enjoy our journey as parents and spouses.
After finding out about baby number 3, we both decided that we wanted this to be our last. We really do have our hands full and the thought of more kids is really kind of scary. I’m not really upset. I actually feel pretty excited about it all. After this baby, I can start focusing on things other than pregnancy and infants. I can finally give myself time to find a balance and really enjoy each kid I have, remembering every moment that goes by.
Is it really that simple though? As a Christian, I have to be very careful not to rely completely on myself and my decisions. While my plan might look pretty good, God’s plan is always better and most of the time, completely different.
When we made the decision to stop having children, my husband and I never really discussed our plan. As a married couple, abstinence isn’t exactly the best route for a healthy marriage. Birth control would be easiest, but I’ve thought a lot about it and don’t really want to put my body through that again. I mean, I’m only 23 years old, almost 24, and that’s a lot of years of popping pills. The only other option is surgical intervention for either me or my husband and let’s face it, no one likes the thought of that, much less the permanence of that type of decision.
I guess what I’m getting at is this: God isn’t going to have to jump through very many hoops to bless us with another child. Is that scary? Absolutely. Other than my own fear and terrible patience, there really is no reason I shouldn’t have more children. All of my pregnancies were smooth and enjoyable. My labors were quick and left my body with barely any traces of growing human beings, inside or out.
Maybe we are on the same page as God here and He is good with us having only 3 children. I wish I could say I was sure, but I’m not. I trust Him though. I trust that if we are done, He will give me peace as they grow. I trust that if He creates another life in me, He will grow my patience and maybe even bless our finances…or not. Whatever may come, I know that He’s got us right in the palm of His hand.